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Truly funny post

11/25/03 | by david2 [mail] | Categories: General


From Best of Craigslist:



You’d think I read a lot. Or rather, I'd like you to think I read a lot. And you probably do. I mean, if you come over to my place and see all this reading material, you'll think, "Wow, she reads."

Yeah, I buy a lot of books. I’m almost always at the Strand. I sift through the stacks and I buy things that get good write-ups. If it's a classic, I buy it and put it in my bookcase. Maybe I ruffle the pages a bit, crease the spine. If it is new I need it immediately. Maybe I can't even wait till it gets to the Strand. And when I get it home I toss it around the house like a madman, as though I'm reading it whenever I get a chance. I’m so curious to see what Safran Foer does with his next piece. I’m definitely going to get my hands on an advance copy. Right now I'm reading the Power Broker. You know, that Robert Moses biography by Robert Caro. It has over a 1000 pages. You'll die when you see how long it is. I'm reading it though, and let me tell you (and I will), it is compelling. I’m definitely going to dive into some William Gaddis next, most likely The Recognitions. I can’t believe I didn’t know about him sooner—it’s like not having read Thomas Pynchon.

Hey, weren’t you in my semiotics senior colloquium at Vassar? Or do I know you from the New School? You look so familiar.

But really, you should come to my place. I’m always hosting and I’ve got this great duplex in Park Slope. I just love how diverse it is there! There’s such an amazing respect for the intellectual in Brooklyn, don’t you think? I can’t believe I ever bothered with that studio in the Lower East Side. Brooklyn is so just so real and indigenous. So definitely come by soon. I’m probably hosting a parlor games night next Tuesday. You can come and I’ll give you the grand tour. You'll get a shock out of all my displays. You'll be stunned by my record collection. Did you go to the WFMU record fair last weekend? It was truly amazing. I found a first press copy of Five Leaves Left on vinyl and its in absolutely mint condition. Also found this amazing novelty Mexican mariachi band doing Kraftwerk covers. So brilliant. My book and film collection is really extensive too. At school I always loaded up on books, and I never sell, or read, any one of them. Some semesters I'd even buy the books for other peoples' classes, just because they looked so good, on the shelf. And my laser disc portfolio is absurd. I have all the original JLGs on laser discs. You should take a look at them sometime.

What'll really knock you down though, are all the magazines and journals I subscribe to. I get Harpers and the New Yorker, The Economist, Foreign Affairs, the New Republic, the Nation, and McSweeny’s. My hompage opens up to Slate and, of course I get Time Out, and Wired, and Newsweek (though I'm thinking about canceling after recent criticism). I even get the Atlantic Monthly. Nobody gets the Atlantic Monthly. Did you read that article about shipbreaking in India? I didn't. I read the headline though, and a few other sentences. It's been a great source of conversation lately. People really are blown over by my close reading of the Atlantic Monthly.

But honestly, public radio is really where it’s at—particularly since I don’t actually have to read anything. It’s crazy how long some articles are. Who is Sey Hersh kidding? That’s why I listen to WNYC, mostly just AM 820 though because I really prefer the dialectic. I’m basically never not listening to this station. Brian Lehrer, Lenny Lopate, Bob Edwards, Robert Siegel, Ira Glass, Terry Gross! It’s sick how well I know how they think. Can you believe how candid Lehrer is? And Terry Gross! She has such a way of getting to the heart of an issue.

We could also get serious and talk about the Times if you want, too. I've got today’s Op-Ed page memorized practically. There's a certain consistency of quality about the New York Times that attracts people like me. I make an effort not to miss columnists Maureen Dowd, Frank Rich, Nicholas Kristoff, and Paul Krugman. Don't you agree?

I do the crossword too. I do yesterday's crossword, that is. I work a little with the boxes and when I get stuck I check out today's crossword and fill in the missing pieces. That Will Shortz! He is clever. I really hate that he uses brand names though. Eugene T. Maleska would have never done that. I've never seen a Maleska puzzle, but I've heard he was a purist. I keep my crosswords around too, all worked over and folded in quarters. My desk at work is piled high with finished crosswords. So is my coffee table and the floor alongside my bed at home. I try to keep a Friday or Saturday on the top of the stack. Wait till you see how many crosswords I've done.

Maybe we should grab a drink at Enid’s or maybe just go to the movies. I’m always up for a good revival. Film Forum or BAM Cinematek. If I’m not at one, I’m probably at the other. Did catch any of the Kurosawa fest last week? I skipped it but I’d love to do a Fassbinder tonight. I can’t believe how seriously boring Fassbinder is. We should definitely go though. It’ll probably sell out.

So I've got my fingers in a lot of pies. Ask me about anything and I'll refer you on. I can look anything up on Google. I do at least forty Google searches a day. I'm a Lexis Nexis wiz too. I've got this new Titanium G4 and it's loaded with amazing software. I've got Pro Tools, Final Cut Pro and Auto CAD, Illustrator, and PhotoShop. I've got MAYA too. People can't believe I've got MAYA. You can copy it if you want.

But seriously, come over to my apartment some time. You'll be so into my genre. And I've got so many quirky anecdotes. You could listen to me tell anecdotes all day. I'll tell anecdotes and blast you with my obscure allusions and award-winning vocabulary. My realm of interests and abilities is truly ineffable, really.

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