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When saying yes is easier than saying no

12/21/17 | by david2 [mail] | Categories: General

Link: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/16/sunday-review/when-saying-yes-is-easier-than-saying-no.html

Sometimes “yes” means “no,” simply because it is easier to go through with it than explain our way out of the situation. Sometimes “no” means “yes,” because you actually do want to do it, but you know you’re not supposed tolest you be labeled a slut. And if you’re a man, that “no” often means “just try harder” — because, you know, persuasion is part of the game.

“A lot of what we as young men learn as seduction is really more like preparatory sexual assault training,” the sociologist Harry Brod, a longtime lecturer on the topic of consent, once told me. (Or as a 37-year-old male friend observed: “In a man’s mind, ‘no’ is always negotiable.”)

 

Consider the drinking analogy: Most of us understand, or at least we should, that a blackout drunk person cannot consent to sex. On some campuses, that inability to consent applies even if someone has had just a sip or two. But what about a woman who doesn’t feel that she can speak up because of cultural expectations? Should that woman be considered unable to consent, too?

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